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Posts Tagged ‘disappointment’

Why do we tend to fear

Things we do not understand

Like love and God

And sometimes life itself

So big they are

So often out of hand

Throwing them aside is easier

Than taking a chance

Somehow

Beyond all knowing, I think

He cares

He understands

The questions, the fears

Even the choice, sometimes, to disbelieve

It’s hard, God knows

Only He knows just how hard

Life, and love, can be

Our hearts full of joy and pain

And loss and questions why

Sometimes

I think, almost beyond belief

He smiles, and loves

In spite of it all

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Today I’m thankful for little disappointments. Because they are not bigger; they aren’t the end of the world. Because it’s not really all that bad.

I had been revising my novel, working to revise the fourth draft, in order to complete it in time to enter a writing contest before the deadline. It was the primary reason that I didn’t hit the 50K nanowrimo goal. And I did it! Five hours before the contest closed, I submitted my novel.

I heard back today that they had to cancel the contest as they did not receive enough submissions. I was, ever-more-than-slightly, disappointed.

I told my husband about my disappointment. Right away he told me that at least it was ready for the next step, getting a few more critiques before working on the fifth (and hopefully final) draft before taking a step toward publication.

I told my daughter and she, at nine years old, immediately said something about God having a plan in it.

I told my sister and she said it wasn’t time wasted.

They are right.

It wasn’t time wasted. It wasn’t even money wasted. God does have a plan. And it is more reader-ready than it was a month ago.

And that’s why I’m thankful for little disappointments. Because, in reality, they probably shouldn’t be seen as disappointments at all … but stepping stones.

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ice cream dipped in chocolate

It was vacation time, and my husband and I were driving with some coworkers to a beach resort for a greatly anticipated week of relaxation and fun. It was a sixteen-hour drive from our city to our destination; although we started before the sun was up, by noon we were not even halfway there. Our car recently had an overhaul so we couldn’t use the air-con, and it was getting hot, really hot! Our co-workers had three young sons, and the long car ride was starting to get to them a little. After one too many “Are we there yet?”s, we decided it was time for a break.

 

We found a roadside restaurant and got a round of coffee to keep us awake and a round of ice cream for the kids to keep them happy. Jerry, the youngest, had just turned three. He was so eager to pick out what ice cream he wanted: vanilla dipped in chocolate, on a stick.

 

“He is going to make a mess,” cautioned one of the parents.

 

The other one said, “It’s okay. This is the one he wanted, let him enjoy it.”

 

With great interest we watched the race between Jerry and the heat. Jerry clutched his ice cream with both hands, trying his best to eat it before it all melted. The hard chocolate covering kept up a strong pretense, while the vanilla ice cream inside slowly melted away, dripping down his arms and onto the plate. The more it dripped, the tighter he held it. Finally, the chocolate shell couldn’t stand the pressure; it imploded, leaving a mound of melted mess, and a little crying boy, distraught at his loss. His mother picked him up, wiped away his tears and cleaned the mess. She set him down again, this time with a bowl of ice cream and a spoon. A wiser choice, we all agreed.

 

As we continued our drive, I thought about the significance of that event. How many times have I had a dream, a desire, or something that filled my entire focus? I was sure that it was the right thing for me and would make me happy.

 

I can now picture an angel or wiser being telling God, “Don’t give it to her; she’ll make a mess,” and then God replying,

 

“Let her make her decision; she’s old enough.”

 

Then when I later find myself holding a pile of broken dreams that shattered (or melted) around me as I tightly clung to them, He picks me up, wipes away my tears, and gives me that thing that He wanted to give me all along, that thing which was actually better for me, but in my intense focus, I didn’t even give a second glance.

 

I finally take what He has to offer, and I realize that it was really what I wanted all along or something better than I could have even hoped for. After all, having created me, and all good things, He would know best what I need in my life, wouldn’t He?

 

So, will it be vanilla or chocolate? Next time, I’ll try to get His advice before making my decision.

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